Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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