4 words: hood of his car
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
