Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
