I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"