How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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