Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
