belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.