My first STD was from a foam party
i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.