btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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