We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize