so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
