yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
