I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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