ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
