Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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