you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
