well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
