He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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