i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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