How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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