Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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