I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i believe in u and ur pee
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
