theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
