My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
