he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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