Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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