when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
