she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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