i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize