he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
