i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
