He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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