He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
