how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
