I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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