He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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