Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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