she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We need a shit load of segways right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
