My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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