So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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