I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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