woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
