i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
