Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
