My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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