If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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