you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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