I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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