My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
