he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
