So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize