The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
