My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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