I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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