She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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