i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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