all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
