somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
