Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
