The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
