God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
