mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
