Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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