If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
