I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
