I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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