'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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