so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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