Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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