She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
