I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
