i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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