pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this boner is exhausting
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
