I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
