i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
