i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
