Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
