I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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