He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
